Happiness does not depend on money earned. Nor on knowledge you have. Nor on your acquaintances. It depends solely on you. Whether you want to enjoy each moment or make it a torture. Whether you enjoy being depressed and having those dark thoughts in your mind.
I changed my job, which I had for two years. I now have a much better salary and yet – yet I find it still too little for what I want (as with salary grows my appetite has grown); at all – I find my life as boring and hopeless as ever. Why do I do that? Because I see someone being happy being in relationship, engaged, married, getting kinds; buying a house, cars, getting a dog, doing something; moving together with someone; or away. And it somehow seems to me that their life is more interesting and full with adventure and development and mine – too stuck. Am I stuck on repeat? Repeat of failure? And is it really necessary to buy something to be happier and buy it because someone has it. Or get together with someone because, well, all of your friends are (in relationship/married/etc.)? I am trying to substitute what I want, which I don’t really know what it is (don’t forget – I’m a woman 🙂 ), with what I can get – which is buying some stuff not necessarily needed.
Why do I and so many others depend on others?
My facebook news feed was full with notes about ppl moving forward in life and I congratulated them to their happiness and put a post about how happy I am for them. Which is true. But … I am not happy for myself.I hate facebook. It’s like cigarettes – once getting into it it’s only hard to get away from it. But in both cases – it’s connected with not having anything else to do. Just wasting time. wasting time with someone else life and not living your owns. Especially when friends require ‘updates on my side’ about my affairs – let it be love or work (though I know they are particularly interested in the love part). And I have nothing to update them on. And it makes me sad. Not the actual fact of not having anyone but the fact that I don’t have and can say about this issue. Stunning … It always depends on who you are with. And I thought to myself – I am not ready for such huge responsibilities, for such changes, for being just with one person, connected, at one place, deciding all things together etc. I like being independent. And yet – I longer for the person I never met. For the person that will be my kind of a partner. The truth is I am too ‘lost in translation’ and have to many unanswered questions and ungrounded positions on issues as to be able to get together with a person. For if someone wants to be with me I am scared and run away. And when someone might attract me they are people who apparently are not seeing their fortune in being with me. Therefore, at this point of my life, it is easier to be a single. Until the point, when I might per fate, serendipity or anything else get together with someone.
My next task: skip facebook for at least a month. Operation called ‘life rehabilitation’. Oh how I love it – to blame everything and anything for making my life so desperate. Whereas we are the only ones that hinder ourself i to happiness and fortune.
Get your ass out of the chair and go out. Don’t make your mind be your enemy. Work for and at yourself. And keep the deep depressing thoughts away. For if you have time to think how unhappy you are – you just have too much of time spend it with doing something useful. That is all. Simply and perfectly all at this point.